I thought Fridays were supposed to be wonderful–the exclamation point of the week, signaling the end of a long work week, and welcoming in the blissful weekend.

I thought children were supposed to be marvelous blessings, constantly filling my heart with joy, and giving me reason to get up each morning.

I thought when husbands got nine-to-five jobs it meant he would be home every night, ready to spend time with his sweet family. And that he would help clean up the mess of a kitchen.

I thought ice cream could make everything better.

I thought wrong.

This week Friday was just another day. Another day of one child getting up much too early after the other child stayed up much too late. Instead of Friday!, it was more of Friday…  Leaves much to be desired. Plus, it was raining again, which can be nice, but just felt dismal.

And my children do give me reason to get up…just not like I anticipated. One whines for her bowl of cereal, and the other cries for a belly full of milk. This week my heart has not been filled with joy, and I have not experienced a single moment of bliss. I feel like it’s just been one crying tantrum after another. The baby can’t stand to be put down, and I can’t stand to listen to him cry (and even Classical Baby has his limits). Instead of thinking about how much I love my children, I’ve been daydreaming about abandoning them. This isn’t how motherhood was supposed to be. I mean, isn’t this my calling in life?!

When you marry an entrepreneur, you can expect success, but nobody tells you that that success comes at a cost, and that cost is you. The 9-to-5 job gets the bills paid, so that his dream can become a reality. But to get the dream, the work must be put in, which means an additional 6-to-8 job. I don’t resent him for it; I want him to be happy in what he’s doing, and I know that when the dream is here, the past will be past…but right now it’s the present, and waiting for the future hasn’t gotten any easier.

And ice cream doesn’t really make everything better. But some days it doesn’t make things worse, and that’s all I’m looking for.

(And seriously? Getting a man to do dishes on a consistent basis? I knew that one was a fantasy. )

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Tags: mommyhood, wifedom

This entry was posted on Friday, September 11th, 2009 at 5:20 pm and is filed under Freestyle Fridays. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.