I think one of the reasons it requires two to create life, is that their parenting styles/services are sure to balance each other out. And I’m not just talking the good cop/bad cop discipline routine. I’m talking the I’ll-clean-the-dirty-sheets and you-clean-the-dirty-kid during those middle-of-the-night bouts of sickness.

Parenting singly has made me even more aware than ever of my own weaknesses on the parenting front. This entire last week both kids have been under the weather. The first two days it was just III; his eyes got all goopy, his nose got all drippy, and he only wanted to be held. I did all right with that, but the next day Emma and I also came down with a similar, although lesser, illness. So we took it easy (which is also why I didn’t post on Friday).

Now, nearly a week later, I’m reaching the end of my ability to be caring or at all compassionate. I’m not feeling too weakened by this bug, but Emma has become incredibly distressed. The night before last, she was awake every two hours crying about being hungry or thirsty, and all day yesterday she whined and turned on the waterworks for every little thing that she wanted.

I am not ordinarily an extremely compassionate person. I am more of a “suck it up” kind of advice-giver. This doesn’t work so well with kids. In fact, it sort of makes it worse. So I guess that’s where the other parent typically comes in. When I can’t stand the whining any more, and I’m practically yelling at my child, Lloyd can step in and give a hug while I go off and calm down so that I can return and treat my child with love. So now I’m having to learn to change. It’s been such a long week, and I have been fortunate enough to have a few breaks while a friend stays with the kids, but the more sleep-deprived I get, the quicker my patience and compassion fades.

I don’t think I can completely change, especially not overnight, but this week I’m going to try to reach a mediocre level of compassion, which is still better than none at all. And while that may sound like a horrible thing to do, I also know it is attainable. I am a flawed human, and right now I don’t have a partner filling in my weaknesses. I’m afraid of completely snapping. I know I can meet my children’s needs, and I know that I can find a better solution for my own lack of patience than letting myself shout or become angry at my child for whining that she doesn’t feel well.

So, for all you other flawed moms (or dads), I just wanted to share another of my many weaknesses. I don’t have to be perfect, but I think I’ve got to keep on trying. Here I am, still in progress. . .

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Tags: compassion, parenting, sickness, single parenting

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