I don’t know about the other mommy-types out there, or even just the other female-types, but I feel like as soon as I get caught up in one area, I’m falling more behind in another. Take the blogging versus house cleaning arena around here: I was doing so well at consistently making time in my evenings to write something up for the next day, but my house has been steadily declining. For at least three weeks straight there have been dirty dishes piled in my sink. I kept them from overflowing and spreading to the counters (most days), but never completely vanquished them even for a moment. And Emma’s room was staying at a steady “disorganized” level, as was the living room.
Until the last few days. We had friends over Thursday night (which ended in a massive meltdown that sapped me of all desire to write, so I figured I would get to it on Friday), and then another friend over Friday afternoon. And I got a little caught up since Emma was being entertained by someone other than me, but then I cooked again, and suddenly on Sunday I was standing in a home I hardly recognized, feeling overwhelmed by the mess and disappointed in myself for not doing any writing, but feeling pretty good about all the time I spent with people over the weekend.
I can’t imagine I’m the only one who faces this challenge, but many times it sure seems like it. There’s such an unstated pressure on wives or mothers to have it all together; for the home to be presentable, the meals to be wholesome, and everyone to be happy. And I am boldly saying I am not one of those women. I don’t have the balance down yet. I get distracted by the television, the internet, and all sorts of time-wasters. And then I get down on myself that I haven’t cleaned my kitchen, or I’ve broken my writing streak, or I haven’t exercised, and I inevitably run to the cupboard for solace, feeling plenty guilty and undoing any of the good I’ve done.
So here’s what I’m going to try, and I’d like to encourage you to as well (if you suffer from the same dilemma). Accept what I was able to do, and take value in the things that have no outward reward. By this I mean that every little bit counts. No, it’s not awesome that I didn’t clean every single dish, but I did clean some, which is progress. And yes, I spent a large chunk of my weekend spending time with people and not cleaning, and that is something that I have nothing physical to show for. BUT . . . I recharged a little. I wasn’t around the mess as much, and I was able to feel like a person functioning in society, and not just as a housekeeper.
So when I got up today it was back to just us and the house, but I was ready for it. And guess what? My kitchen was clean today. It only lasted for about a half an hour before I moved on to dinner, but I caught up. And Emma’s room, which had escalated to full out war-zone disaster, was cleaned back down to its usual disorganized state (and yes, she did help, as did Tinker Bell). The living room carpet was revealed again, and vacuumed of crumbs, and I even found my dining table after clearing out all the Valentine project mess. And the silly thing is, I still found myself being disappointed that I didn’t blog today.
There is so much accomplished in every day. So much that goes unnoticed. So much that we don’t give ourselves credit for. For me, it’s difficult to take value out of the hours I spend preparing and feeding food to my children, and while I don’t expect to ever feel great significance in that simple act, that doesn’t make it insignificant. Emma could probably fend on her own for a little while, and could maybe manage to feed her brother some cereal, but in all reality, without me they would starve. I am keeping two human beings alive. And I am going to try to recognize the value in that on a daily basis.
And I think, I think, that perhaps in having a positive attitude toward what is getting accomplished, that more will in turn be accomplished. Instead of turning a blind eye to the clean kitchen and only seeing the dirty toilet, and thus, feeling those dreaded claws of failure, I think stopping to recognize the clean kitchen would instead motivate. I can see this working in many husband/wife relationships. If Husband surprises Wife while she is out by cleaning up the kitchen, she responds with joy and surprise and praise, which makes him want to elicit that response again. If she responds by asking why he didn’t get to the living room too, you can bet he doesn’t ever want to do her a favor again. So women, start treating yourselves like you would treat someone else for the work you do! (And husbands, feel free to praise your wives for all they accomplish. Actually, I’m pretty sure praising someone would work in a roommate situation, too, or even just in a visiting friend situation. Really, compliments are good for anyone!)
And the hardest part in all this—for myself included—is to accept the praise. Even coming from yourself. Some days are going to be productive enough that you do move two steps forward, but on the days where it seems you’ve only made backwards progress it’s still valuable to take joy in the small things. And, of course, to remember that tomorrow’s another day. 
And in order to make this something I remember to do, look for a new post on Sundays, called “Encourage-me Sundays.” Anyone who would like to join in is more than welcome to share something you’re proud of from the week. Encouraging ourselves is great, but it’s also wonderful to be able to share it!
Tags: cleaning, encouragement, mommyhood, time management, wifedom
The Daring Kitchen
Nice work keeping those kids alive–I do appreciate it!
I feel your pain. I’ve spent most of my life feeling like a failure because I ONLY took care of the children, cleaned, cooked, laundered, shopped, etc. and etc. I also ran a Day-Care for a few years & then did foster care, and worked to buy the extras like clothes & piano & gymnastics lessons and etc. The whole time I did this I was extremely ill. My ex-husband treated me like crap & thought I was a lazy-ass.
It has only been in the last few years when I saw how wonderful the children turned out, that I realized how difficult my job REALLY was & how good I did the job (especially under such extreme exhaustion).
Here’s my thoughts: If those children are still alive every night when you go bed — KNOW that you have done a very difficult and (mostly) thankless job — that NO ONE else is willing to do!!
Oh, this is good stuff! The kitchen is my downfall. I just hate to in order to cook I have to make dirty dishes. It doesn’t seem fair somehow.
Somedays I say to myself, “Well she’s still alive and she’s not a serial killer yet so I guess I’ve done pretty well for the day!”