Ok, I don’t want this post to go on forever, so in my attempt for brevity, I’m sure I will end up leaving myself open for all sorts of arguments. Feel free, but also understand I’m just sharing my opinion. I am not trying to tell you what to do; only to express what is right for me.

(As a note, I will be talking about the reproductive process/elements. If that makes you uncomfortable, then don’t read on. Also, I realize I am not always being super-technical. If you want all the specific details I’m talking about, you can find them on any number of medical—and non-medical—websites. Or in a book, I’m sure.)

So after turning into a Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde-type person, I finally started to look into what I had been ingesting. After all, that was pretty much the only thing that had changed (I guess I ate less cafeteria food, too, but I know that had to be better for me!). I honestly can’t remember exactly when or how I got my information, but I know I did finally question what exactly the little pills were doing to my body.

The Pill has a lot of tricks to keep a woman from getting pregnant. First and foremost (and the one that doctors tell women), it stops ovulation. In other words, it tells your body you’re already pregnant so that you don’t release an egg that month. Ok. I’d say a little frightening because that just isn’t normal, but I could deal with that. Second, it thickens stuff up so the sperm have a really hard time swimming upstream. At this point, I’m still ok with it—after all, it’s more of an obstacle method. BUT, those first two measures don’t always work. After all, our bodies are designed to release that egg every month and sometimes that pill’s little trick just doesn’t fool nature, and the egg is released anyway. And sometimes those pesky little guys get through to the egg—after all, that’s what they’re designed to do, too—so what happens then?

The third way the Pill works is to make the walls of the uterus unsuitable for a fertilized egg to implant. This is where I have a problem. Parts A and B have come together at this point. I believe that’s called conception. But now, that egg, which contains all of its DNA, all of its plans for life, can’t hold on. And I personally can’t live with that. Knowing that I could have conceived a child every month that didn’t get a chance to live because I made my body inhospitable.

To many, that probably seems like a stretch. Like, why is that a big deal? After all, your body can naturally decide to reject a fertilized egg as well. And I’m aware of that. That is natural. But knowing that what I’m doing could cause a life to end that otherwise would have lived—even if it’s in the first days of life—is not something I can justify for my selfish nature of not wanting a baby.

So now you’re going to ask what I do (after all, I only have 2 kids after nearly 6 years of marriage). Barrier method. Condoms. They have worked 100% of the time for us. And if you’re thinking of arguing that we’re killing living things, then don’t. Sperm die all the time. Only one gets to the egg on a good day; otherwise, they all die. They no more make up a person on their own than skin cells do. So I’m ok with contraception—methods that prevent conception from ever occurring. But I view the Pill as birth-prevention, not conception-prevention.

So really, that’s it. That’s my one reason why I just can’t be ok with its use. I’m not crazy about all the possible side-effects, and I’m especially wary of the pills that only use the placebo once every 3 months, and for those reasons I would probably choose to shy away from it, but even health risks would not make me 100% opposed (after all, I only know of a very few who have had serious side-effects). And if I found out that I had some health issue that the Pill could help fix, then I would absolutely consider taking it again—but I’d still use condoms (and probably get a different hormone dosage than the first time!)

I’m not trying to convince everyone to stay away from birth control, and I’m not offering solutions for people who have latex allergies or other health issues. I’m not a doctor. I am no one with any right to tell anyone else what to do (except maybe my own kids), but I just wish someone would have told me a little more about what I was getting myself into. I know it’s hard to know what to do. I’d like to say there shouldn’t be any contraception; if you aren’t ready to have kids, then don’t have sex. Don’t get married. But a marriage without sex isn’t healthy, and I think we’re a little better off not birthing small army regiments and dying at 30. So a little control is nice.

And that’s all I have to say about that.

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