I am about to reveal to you my secret sin: I am a Bachelor addict. It’s not a complete secret; I share with other addicts, but it really is a problem. It began a few years ago while I was painting our house. I was bored and looking for something easy and brainless to watch/listen to while I worked. And so began my affair. I don’t even remember the Bachelor’s name that season, but I remember that I really liked one of the girls—DeAnna, who later went on to be the Bachelorette (and really lame). So then I watched her season, where one of her discards became the new Bachelor, and so on and so forth until this season, where discarded pilot Jake is now the Bachelor.
I know this show is totally ridiculous. There have been like 17 seasons, and only one couple stayed together. How is this show still going?? Well, let’s see. Regardless of which side I could be on (rose-giver or rose-taker), I would leave my job for a few months to spend most of my days either hanging out at a mansion with a group of jealous girls, or going on dates with hot guys. I’m guessing I would not have to cook, or clean, or even do my own hair for a date. I would not have to plan the dates or pay for the dates, and I would get to travel the world. Even if I got booted, or ended up heart-broken, my 15 minutes of fame could lead to other television deals, or a new relationship, or just plain a better job. I would have to have my life invaded my camera guys, but I think that’s a small price to pay.
So, yes, I want to be a Bachelorette. It’s easy to see why it’s so easy to “fall in love” on the show. That’s why sad housewives like me keep watching it. I’m in love. In love with all the beautiful people and the pretty, pretty dresses they get to wear. In love with the dates that are full of adventure and probably cost more than my mortgage. In love with the idea of not having to do much of anything to make a relationship happen other than show up to one date a week and a cocktail party. This last week Jake compared facing the fear of bungee jumping to difficult times in life or a relationship. Clearly, he really has not been married. Bungee jumping is like mac ‘n’ cheese. Facing the fears that come with a lifetime relationship (especially once you add in kids) is more like pate de canard en croute (Julie & Julia, anyone?).
So now I’m thinking the network should just use their resources to make a marriage-rejuvenating reality show. Wouldn’t that be so much more inspiring? Instead of watching insipid, anorexic catty girls fighting over a hunky airline pilot, we could watch some average-looking, boring married couple that fights a lot get to go on a series of adventurous dates to rekindle their love. Well, maybe it’s better from my perspective because I know I’d at least qualify by being married. Although, once again, considering that none of the relationships seem to pan out, it would probably just be a band-aid on a marriage (but a very nice band-aid that would probably stick on for quite some time).
As a side note, in double-checking some things about the show I discovered how intertwined the people from different seasons become. There are a number of off-shoot relationships from all different seasons. DeAnna is now dating the twin brother of one of the bachelor’s from Jillian’s season. It’s like a sub-culture of beautiful people that have formed this big family and are just switching around until they find the right cousin. Weird. And also, it makes sense that people would sign up for a relationship with a deadline. I think people go into a relationship wondering when/how it will end, and on the Bachelor, you know that within 2 months you will either be dumped or engaged. Not really a huge commitment—which is probably why the engagements never stick. It’s just fast-food dating, and we all know fast-food is not the way to go.
Anyway, now you know my secret. And despite all the horribleness of the show, I still want to be on it. And for the record, I’m rooting for Tenley; she’s cute. And if you have no idea what I’m talking about, please, please don’t turn on your TV to find out. You’ll never escape!!
(And Lloyd, if you’re reading this, one word for our next date: helicopter 
)
The Daring Kitchen
